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why today can go to hell   
09:02pm 17/11/2003
  you know your karma is heading south fast when a twentysomething with a big truck deliberately aims his vechicle to run you over (but of course stops at the last second), as if to make the claim that pedestrians do not, in fact, have right-of-way.  
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11:29pm 09/11/2003
  and i walked the streets, as is my wont:
a burning clove in my left hand,
jmc's "darklands" in my head,
and nothing in my right.
 
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02:17pm 13/10/2003
  a man points a copy of the new testament in my direction.

query:"take it, it's good for you."
response:"no, it isn't."

i walk on.
 
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01:29am 23/08/2003
  "i would then turn everything in the world into the beautiful and lofty; in the vilest, most unquestionable trash i would discover the beautiful and lofty."

-f. dostoevsky, notes from the underground</i>
 
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just a few thoughts   
02:13am 12/08/2003
  i had to take a break from studying chemistry and as such, i thought i'd post a few random thoughts. here goes:

1. as i was running around (semi-frantic) this morning, getting ready to drag myself through another session of a. chem, i couldn't help but use as my mental soundtrack that gorecki cdr anna made me.

2. i found this picture of marina brukhovetsky, a ta in the computer science department (hopefully she won't mind me linking to it -- it's on her homepage!). you all should take compsci 151 (assuming she still teaches the discussion), because she has a marvelous russian (well, i guess technically latvian) accent, is no doubt really intelligent, and she's absolutely gorgeous on top of it. too bad she's married. :)

oh yeah, she doesn't normally wear colored-straw in her hair, in case you were all wondering.

3. why is it taking me forever to finish war and peace?!? i should have administered the coup de grace to this novel some time ago, but still haven't. and yeah, the ending (the first epilogue) is disappointing.
---
that's all.
-shane
 
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02:11am 11/07/2003
  why isn't the word "symmetry" symmetrical?  
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success!   
04:07pm 03/07/2003
  i managed to convince my dad and grandma that the misfits song "american nightmare" (off of legacy of brutality) was really done by elvis presley! i claimed it was a track he recorded in the studio towards the end of his career, and was trying to appeal to a younger audience by taking on a more rock/punk sound, but it was never released due to the execs thinking it was too explicit.  
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some thoughts   
06:18am 30/06/2003
  studying analytical chemistry and listening to boards of canada's album "music has the right to children" at the early hours of the morning is a sublime experience.
--
i saw a woman on a motorized wheelchair today, and wondered what her displacement was, so i could calculate her velocity.
--
getting (read sneaking) a free breakfast (a donut) in bolton hall, while having people shoot you puzzled looks (i was the only white person in a crowd of all black people -- the food/event, whatever it is, was intended for them and not for mere passersby) is amusing.
--
-s
 
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voyage to the bottom of your toilet, or the further adventures of rick and shane   
02:08am 16/06/2003
  after returning from my sojourn to chicago on friday, i spent the night at mike and kristen's house, and rick woke me up for another new adventure. we were to tour saukville's sewage treatment plant.

upon arriving, we were told that we could wander about as we pleased, or go on a guided tour. the former option was the most agreeable, and so we set off.

i won't go through everything i saw, but needless to say, i was like a kid at christmas. i wandered through rooms with strange pumps and equipment and touch screens; i walked down orange spiraling staircases into sub-basements, in order to see the pumps that bring the sewage to higher levels. i walked on catwalks over 20ft deep pits of sewage, and up to the top of a building to see a belt press that squeezes the water out of the sludge, and to the building where the sludge are stored. i paid particular attention to the laboratory, with it's microscopes, desiccators, and other such scientific apparatus.

we met an electrical engineer and rick seemed to have taken a fancy to him, and so he led us on an impromptu tour of the facility. since we had met him earlier, and he knew we were wandering about, he went over the process superficially. when we got to the filtration tank, he told us about the "bugs" that help digest the organic material. clearly, he thought us to be uneducated youths.

after the tour, i asked him if any chemists, or chemical analysts worked here. he said that there were no chemists, but there were some lab techs who ran tests. i asked him if i could speak to one of them, and he said yes. we entered the administration building, and he walked up to someone and asked if he could answer, "some, uh, lab questions." he said yes, and i said i had a couple chemistry questions for him. he said that's fine, and so i said, "i noticed that you use ion sensitive electrodes a lot, and i was curious if you use any methods of spectroscopy, such as atomic absorbtion spectroscopy."

according to rick, everyone (there were several workers standing there, including the engineer) stopped what they were doing and just stared at me. needless to say, the lab tech looked dumbfounded but eventually managed to answer my question by replying that they had a spectrometer. i asked him some more stuff, and eventually told him i was a student of chemistry and biology.

some uneducated youths we turned out to be.

-shane

p.s. some sort of cookout was prepared for the tourists. although this was a nice gesture, i could only wonder why the treatment plant employees did this, as they were only creating more work for themselves. it all struck me as a potentially messy and explosive situation.
 
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05:41am 07/06/2003
  "listen, you con man, make a living out of your death." - e. hemingway, a movable feast  
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so that's what he meant...   
02:35am 05/06/2003
  i recall one time in my gen chem class someone asks something about electrons, and the prof remarks that the electrons are all over the place, orbiting the nucleus, and then cryptically says there's some even in the nucleus. naturally, i was puzzled, but never got around to asking him. well, the other day (no, not this one, the other one) i figure it out and so the answer couched in the term structure of a jeopardy question is:

what are in the neutrons?

well, in isn't the proper word, since an electron is half a neutron (the other half is a proton). so now it all makes sense.

end communique.
-s
 
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k revisited   
09:20pm 02/06/2003
  as i hung up, i didn't feel like hanging around waiting for the call back. there was nothing further to say tonight, and i didn't feel like listening anymore. (somewhere k picks up an inkpen and prepares to write something that will take a summer and a semester to unfold.) so, i did what came natural to me at that moment -- i went for a walk, in unfamiliar territory. i walked until i saw the lake, a shade of periwinkle tonight. i walked on, and seemingly into a different time. there was a lighthouse, and a monument recognizing someone long since dead, in this place i traversed. i walked further, past large, stately homes, where one could listen to debussy, smoke cigars, and grow fat and old with impunity. i finally returned to my home feeling better. marginally.  
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reminder   
02:43am 31/05/2003
  as i figure i'll forget, and more thoughts will escape my brain, like alpha particles from an unstable element, i shall record some thoughts which i'd like to share with abbie:

1. thoughts on the self
2. childhood fears (remember the siren)
3. the exchanging of the frammenti
4. the tv/vcr experiment i'm devising
5. let me see your hands sometime
6. your favorite color

that is all for now.
-s
 
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why i like noise music   
05:12am 23/05/2003
  while browsing the web today, i found what amounts to a dialectic on noise music, and especially it's founder, masami akita (aka merzbow). this dialectic states exactly how i feel about what i listen to, and i thought i'd share parts of it with you. everything from this point on is the work of of brian cotts; this is his magnum opus, not mine (btw, also his formatting). here's the original link:
http://briancotts.tripod.com/cottsweb/thirty/2001/thirty41.html
--

"MERZBOW-- ONE OF THE FIRST, AND MAYBE BEST NOISE BANDS-- IS THE BRAINCHILD OF JAPANESE MUISICIAN MASAMI AKITA AND WAS NAMED FOR GERMAN ARTIST KURT SCHWITTERS. SCHWITTERS WAS A DADAIST WHO CHRISTENED HIS ART, AND THEN LATER HIMSELF 'MERZ.' HE MADE COLLAGES OUT OF REAL OBJECTS, JUNK, REFUSE. HE SAID THAT WHILE DADA WAS BLEAK, MERZ WAS JOYFUL. AND PLAYFUL. ONE OF HIS BIGGEST PROJECTS WAS THE MERZ-BEAU, OR 'MERZ-HOUSE,' OR-- AS SOME PEOPLE INTERPRETED IT THE 'GARBAGE' OR 'SHIT'-HOUSE BECAUSE IT WAS AN ENORMOUS COLLAGE THAT FILLED EIGHT ROOMS OF HIS HOME IN HANNOVER. THERE WAS STUFF ON THE WALLS, EVERYWHERE. INITIALLY, HE CALLED IT 'THE CATHEDRAL OF EROTIC MISERY.' I'VE SEEN SOME PICTURES OF IT. IT LOOKS PRETTY COOL. SCHWITTERS WAS A MASTER OF TEXTURE AND COLOUR. THE MERZBEAU LOOKS LIKE MORE THAN JUST A BUNCH OF JUNK STUCK ON SOME WALLS. THROUGH JUXTAPOSITION, IT BECOMES MORE THAN THE SUM OF ITS PARTS. LATER, HE WAS TRYING TO WORK ON SOMETHING CALLED THE MERZ-BARN, BUT I THINK HE DIED BEFORE HE COULD GET IT DONE."
"THE MAIN IDEA BEHIND SCHWITTERS'S MERZ-ART WAS TO BUILD AN EDIFICE OUT OF DISCARDED CULTURE, OUT OF TRASH, THE THINGS THE SOCIETY DISDAINS AND FORGETS AND CONSIGNS TO THE DUMP. BUT THIS WASN'T JUST TO BE CONTRARY AND SELFCONSCIOUSLY CONTROVERSIAL. SCHWITTERS WANTED TO SHOW HIS RESPECT FOR THIS JUNK, AS WELL AS ACKNOWLEDGE A DEBT TO IT BECAUSE WE AS A WHOLE SOCIETY ARE JUST AS DEPENDENT UPON WHAT WE THROW AWAY AND FORGET AS WE ARE ON WHAT WE WANT TO KEEP AND CHERISH. THE GARBAGE IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS THE GOOD STUFF. SCHWITTERS'S ART, LIKE MASAMI AKITA'S, TAKES YOU THROUGH A PROCESS OF RESPECT, RECYCLING, AND RECLAMATION: RECLAIMING THE USELESS, THE DISCARDED AND IGNORED, THE MARGINS, AND TURNING THEM INTO ART AND THINGS OF WEIRD BEAUTY."
"AS FAR AS I CAN TELL, MERZ IS JUST A NONSENSE WORD-FRAGMENT LIKE THE WORD DADA, ARRIVED AT USING MORE OR LESS RANDOM MEANS. BUT I COULD BE WRONG HERE. BUT I KNOW THAT IT HAS NOW BECOME SYNONYMOUS WITH THE WORD 'JUNK' OR 'GARBAGE.' BOTH IN A CLINICAL AND A PEJORATIVE SENSE."
...
"AND MASAMI AKITA, WHO WAS INTERESTED IN MUSIC BUT TIRED OF THE CONVENTIONAL, WHO WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING NEW TO CALL HIS OWN BECAUSE HE WAS GETTING TIRED OF PLAYING IN JAPANESE COVER BANDS IN THE 1970S, AND WHO WAS INTERESTED IN SURREALISM, STUMBLED ON SCHWITTERS'S WORK AND LIKED IT. AND THEN HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME IT MAKE MUSIC USING THE CAST-OFFS, THE UNWANTED BYPRODUCTS, THE GARBAGE, THE 'MERZ' OF SOUND, IN OTHER WORDS, NOISE."
"ANYWAY," I said. "AKITA'S FIRST EXPERIMENTS WERE LIMITED EDITION CASSETTES THAT CAME PACKAGED IN PORNOGRAPHY."
"PORNOGRAPHY?" said Heather.
And Bob just sat with a disgusted look on his face, and suffered.
"YEAH. PORNOGRAPHY. PARTIALLY BECAUSE AKITA SAW A CONNECTION BETWEEN PORNOGRAPHY AND KURT SCHWITTERS AND NOISE. SCHWITTERS USED PHYSICAL JUNK, AKITA SAW NOISE AS SONIC JUNK, AND SO PORNOGRAPHY WOULD BE ARTISTIC JUNK: THE PART OF ART THAT WE ALL WANT TO SWEEP UNDER THE TABLE, CAST OFF GARBAGE-FORM OF ART. ALSO, AKITA SAW ANOTHER CONNECTION BETWEEN HIS ART AND SCHWITTERS'S AND PORNOGRAPHY: THE ORIGINAL NAME OF THE MERZBEAU WAS 'THE CATHEDRAL OF EROTIC MISERY.' ALSO, AKITA SIMPLY FINDS NOISE EROTIC. HE HAS SAID THIS IN A NUMBER OF INTERVIEWS."
...
"I DON'T FIND NOISE EROTIC," I said. "BUT I THINK I GET WHAT AKITA IS GETTING AT. NOISE ISN'T EROTIC (TO ME) BUT IT IS EXTREMELY PHYSICAL. IT IS SO OVERPOWERING THAT IT'S EASY TO GET LOST IN IT. ESPECIALLY IF YOU LISTEN TO IT ON BIG SPEAKERS OR EXPERIENCE IT LIVE. THE AIR, THE HIGH AND LOW FREQUENCIES, THEY LITERALLY GET INSIDE YOUR BODY SOMEHOW. TO ME IT'S NOT EROTIC, THOUGH. IT ACTUALLY GOES BEYOND THE EROTIC INTO A REALM OF PURE AESTHETICS, AND MAYBE EVEN BEYOND THAT."
"BUT RIGHT HERE I THINK I HAVE TO SAY THAT WHILE I UNDERSTAND THE RELATIONSHIP AKITA SEES BETWEEN NOISE AND PORNOGRAPHY-- PORN AS THE CAST-OFF BYPRODUCT OF SOCIETY, THE STUFF THAT WE ALL WANT, ON SOME LEVEL, TO SWEEP UNDER THE CARPET BUT WHICH FLOURISHES AND GROWS IN THE DARKNESS ONLY TO EXPLODE OUT AT UNWANTED TIMES AND SURPRISE US, AESTHETIC REFUSE, AND MAYBE EVEN ON A CERTAIN LEVEL AESTHETIC TERRORISM-- WHILE I DO GET THIS I STILL THINK THAT HIS ASSOCIATING NOISE WITH PORNOGRAPHY AND PORNOGRAPHIC IMAGES HAS BEEN LARGELY TO ITS DETRIMENT. I GET THAT AKITA IS INTERESTED IN EXPLORING PORN, AND HE'S ALSO INTERESTED IN BONDAGE CULTURE (APPARENTLY HE'S WRITTEN A FEW BOOKS ON THE SUBJECT IN JAPAN), AND JAPANESE BONDAGE CULTURE IS VERY, VERY DIFFERENT THAN WESTERN BONDAGE CULTURE. IN JAPAN IT'S MORE OF A PURE, MEDITATIVE AESTHETIC WITH SENSEIS AND APPRENTICES BOTH IN THE AREAS OF 'BONDAGE MASTERS' AND BONDAGE MODELS. LIKE ALMOST EVERYTHING JAPANESE IT SEEMS TO BE INFUSED WITH AN ALMOST TRANSCENDENT AND PHILOSOPHICAL SPIRIT. OR AT THE LEAST IT'S A MEDITATIVE DISCIPLINE. JAPANESE BONDAGE IS A RITUALIZED DISCIPLINE THAT DISTANCES IT FROM SEX AND CONTROL AND POWER AND MAKES IT EXIST STRICTLY AS A THING IN ITSELF, SOMETHING THAT IS FOR ITS OWN SAKE AND NOTHING MORE, BOTH MEANINGLESS AND FULL OF MEANING, MUCH LIKE NOISE, MUCH LIKE ZEN BUDDHISM, MUCH LIKE BONSAI ARTS, MUCH LIKE THE TENDING OF ROCK GARDENS. SO, ON ONE LEVEL I DO RESPECT THAT KIND OF ABSTRACTION AND ATTENTION TO THE INFINITE FOUND BY ELEVATING EVEN THE BASEST OF ACTIVITIES TO A LEVEL OF SPIRITUAL PERFECTION. AND EVEN THOUGH I DON'T SHARE IT AND WISH HE'D TONE IT DOWN A BIT, I ACCEPT MASAMI AKITA'S INTEREST IN BONDAGE AS PART OF HIS ART. BUT, ON THE OTHER HAND, I DO THINK THAT THE PORNO-NOISE CONNECTION HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH AND WE SHOULD WORK TOWARDS SOMETHING ELSE NOW. ESPECIALLY IN THE WEST WHERE WE JUST DON'T VIEW THINGS LIKE PORNOGRAPHY AND BONDAGE IN THE SAME WAY AS THE JAPANESE. AND AKITA'S OBSESSIVE USE OF BONDAGE AND SEXUAL THEMES HAS, IN THE WESTERN WORLD AT LEAST, MADE THE NOISE SCENE A GHETTO FOR DIRTY LITTLE BOYS WHO WANT TO BREAK ALL THE RULES AND SEEM BAD WITHOUT ACTUALLY CARING ABOUT WHAT THEY'RE DOING OR WHY."
"ALL THE MAJORITY OF THE WESTERN NOISE PEOPLE WANT TO DO IS SCRAPE SOME MICROPHONES ON SHEET METAL, TURN UP THE DISTORTION AND SWADDLE THE END PRODUCT IN OLD PAGES OF SCREW MAGAZINE. OR MAYBE TAKE SOME SNUFF PICTURES OFF THE NET AND SAY:
"'THERE, IT'S DONE. NOW WON'T MY MUMMY BE MAD AT ME WHEN SHE SEES THIS. I'M SUCH A NAUGHTY, NASTY, ANGRY, DIRTY LITTLE BOY.'"
"AND THIS IS HORRIBLE-- ABSOLUTELY AWFUL-- BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT MORE TO NOISE THAN JUST TRANSGRESSING SOME ALREADY LONG AGO TRANSGRESSED BOUNDARIES. TO ME IT JUST SHOWS A LACK OF SOPHISTICATION AND INTELLECT TO HAVE IMAGES LIKE THAT ASSOCIATED WITH THIS TYPE OF ART. SURE, THE IMAGES ARE SHOCKING, AND SURE THIS TYPE OF MUSIC IS ALSO SHOCKING, AT LEAST AT FIRST. BUT, WHEREAS THE PORNO AND DEATH IMAGERY GROWS STALE AND EMPTY AFTER THE SHOCK WEARS OFF, GOOD NOISE MUSIC, LIKE ALL GOOD ART, LASTS LONG AFTER ITS INITIAL AESTHETIC SHOCK. AND ALL THE SELF-CONSCIOUSLY NAUGHTY IMAGERY THAT THE MAJORITY OF THESE ARTISTS USE SIMPLY IMPLIES THAT THIS ART IS NOTHING MORE THAN DISPOSABLE TITILATION. TRUE, BAD NOISE-- LIKE BAD ART-- IS TO A LARGE DEGREE DISPOSABLE-- JUST LIKE ALL THE STUPID IMAGERY THESE PUERILE CHILDREN TRY TO ASSOCIATE IT WITH, BUT THE GOOD NOISE IS MORE THAN THAT AND HAVING A GOOD NOISE ALBUM WITH PICTURES OF SOME NAKED GIRLS TIED UP ON THE COVER REALLY DETRACTS FROM THE OVERALL EFFECT WHICH IS FAR MORE THAN JUST SIMPLE PHYSICALITY AND DUMB TRANSGRESSIVE SEX."
"BUT, BECAUSE OF ALL OF AKITA'S NASTY ALBUM COVERS HE'S GOTTEN A LOT OF HIS FANS THINKING THAT THIS IS HOW YOU PACKAGE AND PROMOTE YOURSELF IF YOU MAKE NOISE, AND THAT'S JUST SILLY."
"AND AT LEAST MASAMI AKITA USUALLY ALTERS HIS PORNO IMAGERY WITH COMPUTER EFFECTS AND ZILLIONS OF COLOURS TO MAKE IT SEEM PSYCHEDELIC AND STRANGE-- SOMETHING MOST OF HIS WOULD-BE IMITATORS DON'T SEEM TO HAVE THE BRAINS TO DO. AND SOMETIMES, BECAUSE OF THESE ALTERATIONS IN SOME CASES WITH MERZBOW YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU'RE LOOKING AT PORNOGRAPHIC IMAGES. AND ON RARE OCCASIONS HE ACTUALLY DOESN'T USE SEXUAL IMAGERY. WHICH IS A NICE CHANGE.
"OH, AND OF COURSE I'M AWARE THAT BY TALKING ABOUT DISPOSABLE, BAD NOISE I'M ESSENTIALLY CONSIGNING THE BAD NOISE TO THE REFUSE HEAP AS 'MERZ' TO BE RECYCLED. AND THAT IF NOISE-- EVEN THE GOOD STUFF-- HAS IT'S ROOTS IN 'MERZ' AND IS THEREFORE IN SOME WAY 'JUNK,' MAKING A VALUE JUDGMENT AND CALLING SOME NOISE BAD IS IN EFFECT SAYING IT'S NOT 'JUNK' AND THEREFORE IN SOME WAY 'GOOD.' BUT I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO THAT. THAT JUST MUDDIES THE WATERS A LITTLE TOO MUCH RIGHT NOW."
"AND FRANKLY I DON'T ASSOCIATE NOISE WITH PORNOGRAPHY. I NEVER DID. EVEN WHEN I PLAYED THAT VERY FIRST MERZBOW DISC AND THERE WAS PORN IMAGERY IN THE LINER NOTES. I ASSOCIATE NOISE WITH ABSTRACT PAINTING, THINGS LIKE JACKSON POLLOCK AND THE OTHER 'SPLATTER' ARTISTS OF THE 1950S AND '60S. TO ME, LISTENING TO NOISE IS LIKE LOOKING AT AN INFINITELY DENSE PAINTING, WHERE YOU GET PATTERN AFTER PATTERN OUT OF THE MUSIC, WHERE THERE IS ALMOST NO END TO DETAIL. IT IS ABOUT THE SHIFTING OF TEXTURES AND THE FACT THAT HUMAN BEINGS CAN EXERCISE CONTROL OVER EVEN UTTER CHAOS, AND STILL HAVE THE CHAOS REMAIN CHAOS, BUT STILL THE CHAOS HAS BEEN CONTROLLED. IT IS A MEETING OF EXTREMES. IT IS LIKE THE OUTER EDGES OF PHILOSOPHY AND PHYSICS WHERE THERE SEEMS TO BE BOTH MEANING AND NON-MEANING AT EXACTLY THE SAME TIME, WHERE THERE SEEMS TO BE BOTH SHAPE AND INFINITE AMORPHOUS ABSTRACTION. DID AKITA INTEND THIS EFFECT? I DON'T KNOW FOR SURE, BUT THE FACT THAT HE'S INTERESTED IN SURREALIST ART SEEMS TO SUGGESTS THAT HE IS, ON SOME LEVEL AWARE OF THIS PROCESS."
"THE THING WITH MERZBOW, AND OTHER GOOD NOISE, IS THAT (EVEN DESPITE AKITA'S ATTEMPTS TO ASSOCIATE THE ART WITH PORNOGRAPHY) IT SLIPS FREE OF ASSOCIATIONS, IT EXISTS AS A THING IN ITSELF. IT'S NOISE, SURE, BUT IF YOU LISTEN TO IT LONG ENOUGH IT BECOMES SOMETHING PURE AND WHOLLY ITSELF-- LIKE ALL GOOD ART DOES. IT FREES ITSELF FROM TIME AND CONTEXT. (WHILE OF COURSE REMAINING TEMPORAL AND CONTEXTUALIZED-- BECAUSE NOTHING CAN BE TRULY FREE OF TIME AND CONTEXT.)"
"BUT IT'S JUST NOISE!" Bob said.
"YES AND NO. BECAUSE THE MORE YOU LISTEN TO IT THE MORE YOU START HEARING PATTERNS IN IT. SOME OF THE PATTERNS ARE CREATED BY YOUR OWN MIND TRYING TO IMPOSE FORM ON THE CHAOS AND SOME OF THE PATTERNS ARE CREATED BY THE MUSICIAN HIM- OR HERSELF. OF COURSE, A LOT OF THE BAD STUFF IS STILL JUST A BUNCH OF HARSH BORING CRAP, BUT HERE I'M TALKING ABOUT THE GOOD STUFF, OF COURSE--"
"BUT," Bob said again, "IT'S JUST NOISE!"
"AND, AGAIN," I said, "YES AND NO. MERZBOW, AT HIS BEST HAS MOVEMENTS IN HIS PIECES, THEY SEEM TO BE GOING PLACES, THEY CREATE ATMOSPHERES AND WHILE THEY ARE NOT OVERLY EMOTIONAL, THERE IS A CONTENT, A MIND AND IDEA BEHIND HIS SOUND SCULPTING. GOOD NOISE IS ABOUT SOUND IN AND OF ITSELF, A CELEBRATION OF PURE SOUND, OF PURE TEXTURE. AND THIS IS, IN A WAY, WHY I LIKE TO ASSOCIATE IT WITH PAINTING. IT'S ALSO ASSOCIATED WITH MEDITATION BECAUSE WHEN YOU LISTEN TO NOISE YOU LISTEN TO THE SOUNDS, AND THEN YOU LISTEN INTO THE SOUNDS, AND SLOWLY, IF YOU LET IT HAPPEN, YOU SORT OF BECOME THE SOUND. LIKE I SAID ABOVE, YOU SORT OF LOSE YOURSELF. IT'S NOT ABOUT ANGER, EVEN THOUGH THE SOUNDS SEEM ANGRY. IT'S ABOUT FINDING BEAUTY IN UGLINESS. IT'S ALMOST LIKE BEING IMMERSED IN AN OCEAN. IT'S ALMOST TACTILE."
...
"It's so quiet," she said. "The silence. It's like being hit with a wall."
"There's that effect, too," I said. "That the silence can be more overwhelming than the sound. This is the world of people like Bernhard Gunter whose pieces are very quiet, and very meditative. They have faint, almost inaudible sounds that at first seem very dull, but then become fascinating. Consisting of growls and cracks, drones and whispers, stopping and starting, filled with long silences Gunter's music is very mysterious and beautiful. You need to listen to it with headphones, and you really have to concentrate. It's not passive listening. M. Behrens also does similar things. I have a recording of his that features the sound of empty rooms. (He also does some stuff with pure electronic sounds.) And then there's Francisco Lopez, a scientist who specializes in ants and whose music is usually made from processed field recordings. I have one of very high, layered crickets, and another that appears to be a rain forest complete with mosquitoes, and then there's Untitled 104 which is made of manipulated death metal recordings, and Belle Confusion 00 which is a collaboration with vocalist Amy Denio and is utterly beautiful, and kind of eerie. Lopez's music ranges from almost imperceptibly quiet, to mind-shatteringly loud. While Gunter makes me think of a Buddhist stillness, Lopez makes me consider the fractal beauty of nature, where seemingly random static reveals itself to be wind blowing through a forest, and in the wind there is a world of patterns."
"It, Noise," Heather said, "somehow all seems to be sort of scientific. Or philosophical."
"In a way it is," I said. "Noise, good Noise anyway, always has an idea behind it, (I should say there that almost anything good has an idea behind it), and the ideas seem to be really big. (And also good Noise has very good production values which enhance the detail of the sound.) Merzbow is about sex and synaesthesia, the physicality of sound as painting for its own sake. Mizutani and Gunter seem to be very spiritual whereas Behrens and Lopez are generally more interested in exploring nature and space. And there are others. Robert Woodhead's majestic Jliat project produces some of the most mind-bendingly rich drones which still maintain a strong connection to the Noise world. A friend of mind once told me it sounded like Jliat was trying to make soundtracks for Heaven. Jliat's music is still and regal, filled with detail and-- for lack of a better word-- holy. Woodhead is also very spiritual and while sometimes he seems sort of crazy I don't think he is, I think he just can't express himself using language very well. He seems exceptionally well-read, too. And there are others, too, of lesser and greater quality. Japanese and otherwise. Nobukazu Takemura most of whose music is very playful classically-inspired electronic Noise. And there's Ryoki Ikeda, and Otomo Yoshihide and his partner Sachiko M. who are all experimenting with pure sine waves and so aren't exactly Noise artists but still come out of the Noise tradition. This pure tone music is an austere, extreme form of minimalism. (Actually, Noise itself can be seen as being related to minimalism in that simple processes yield very complex results. One or two or three tracks or Noise instruments can produce a density that seems to be the result of multiple layers of sound.) And there's people like G.X. Jupitter-Larsen from The Haters whose music doesn't exactly inspire me and who seems sort of puerile, but who nonetheless has some interesting ideas. And on and on. It's a fairly rich culture. There's a lot of other stuff I could talk about when it comes to Noise, but I've blathered on long enough."

--

so now you know.
-s
 
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12:51am 18/04/2003
  anyone who knows me knows that i view life as one giant ironry, perhaps the greatest irony of all. so is it any wonder that when i figure out how to properly express how i feel (last night at work), i meet someone today who knows exactly where i'm coming from, and has no doubt been there herself? i really hope she doesn't move back to green bay; i've been silent/suffering for far too long now, and would enjoy her companionship immensely.  
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07:22am 16/04/2003
  my pillow smells of noel.  
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http://www.WeLoveTheIraqiInformationMinister.com/   
03:43pm 12/04/2003
 



Seriously, check it out; this guy (Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, Iraq's Information Minister) is more out of touch with reality than Rumsfeld! Here are some of my favorite quotes:

"My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all"

"Our initial assessment is that they will all die"

The authority of the civil defense ... issued a warning to the civilian population not to pick up any of those pencils because they are booby traps," he said, adding that the British and American forces were "immoral mercenaries" and "war criminals" for such behavior.
"I am not talking about the American people and the British people," he said. "I am talking about those mercenaries. ... They have started throwing those pencils, but they are not pencils, they are booby traps to kill the children."

"We have destroyed 2 tanks, fighter planes, 2 helicopters and their shovels - We have driven them back."

"We will welcome them with bullets and shoes."

"We will kill them all........most of them."

"They are superpower of villains. They are superpower of Al Capone."

"We will push those crooks, those mercenaries back into the swamp."

About Bush: "the leader of the international criminal gang of bastards."

About Bush and Rumsfeld: "Those only deserve to be hit with shoes.
 
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11:02am 10/04/2003
  The truth about truth is elusive.

Is philosophy merely delusive?

What seems rubbish to you

May be, for me, true.

Which leaves everything inconclusive.

--E. O. Parrot
 
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post script   
04:50am 06/04/2003
  before the melodrama (if any) starts concerning the previous post, let me say a few things:

1. i am of a sound mental state, so don't worry about that
2. the post was not meant to attack anyone, or otherwise reflect negatively on said person(s)
3. change can only occur when one is in a state of conflict, and cares to endure it no more. i have ideas on how to bring about said change, and plan on acting on them.
4. even though i could just skip all this by deleting the mentioned post, i can and will do no such thing. this post is more relevant/important to me than half the stuff i write here.

-S
 
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12:08am 06/04/2003
  have you ever came to the conclusion that you no longer connect with your peers, that no one really understands you anymore, and that the one person that might be able to empathize is busy struggling with her own problems that it makes little sense to try and contact her?

i think i finally understand (or can at least put a new spin on) your recurring dream, anna (the old one, not the new one{s}), and i don't think it gets much worse than this.

something has to change.
 
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